Tiempos Draconicox XXXII: iPhone

So the iphone is the latest gadget from apple, it runs on batteries (that you can't change) and it has built in wifi, and 2g and edge and No keyboard and of course the thing that everybody but me is drooling about: SENSITIVE TOUCH SCREEN

So, here are:

10 REASONS WHY I DONT WANT AN IPHONE

• it doesn't have anything a nokia doesn't offer already
• Doesn't have anything a motorola doesn't offer already
• Doesn't even do 3g
• It's fucking expensive
• I wont be able to get one until god knows when
• It doesn't use FIRE FUCKING FOX
• It uses Leper Safari
• Just 8gbs of built in memory?
• No battery... WTF
• No expansion... bay.. for..anything..not even..memory....... What!?
• Fingertips
• Grease from my beautiful face
• I cant hack it (yeah I know more than ten)

Mashiba also pointed out this:

1. it's shaped like a brick
2. Overpriced, like all Apple products
3. I don't need the extra garbage Apple crammed into it

4. Apple excluded Canada from its initial iPhone launch locations

So what uses besides being a phone do we have for an iPhone?

I can't grasp the thought of typing in the virtual keyboard of it.

Suppose you have your hand on a hamburger and your thumb suspiciously got a drop of bastard.. I mean Mustard..and you go to answer a call and the screen ends up all Muddy of yellow substance with some taco sauce. GROSSS

Then you try and wipe the thing with your shirt or a napkin and when you are done, a hot line sounds from inside the shell "Hey there babe wanna fuck me senseless? I'm hot and waiting for you... just dial *click*"

you are in the dinner with your parents in law

Your gf looks at you, you look at her with this look, you look at her father, he is kinda upset, no, MAD, and looks at you then you show up the dirty phone with the sauce all over it and then you Yell "It's not my fault it's Touch sensitive!" and everything is worse, Then you try and say "THE PHONE!!!"

And he answers "We no be knowing no dirty men for my Daughter get outta here. RONDA! GET MY SHOTGUN!!! ima shoot some bastards Perverts!"

And you run away and dial 911 running away while the shotgun misses you by a feet when the police catches you, you have mustard all over your face, and well... not funny

Then Suppose there is an incoming call. and you fumble and fumble to pick it up but press it and Nope. no answer

You yell: "FUCK ANSWER BITCH!!" *press press press squeeze*

the phone: "..slide to unlock"

You: DAMN SMART PHONE!! *slides to unlock and then open up an AAC (music file (by accident) that blast to the other person in the ear drums, trying to put it out, results in calling your "Horn" (venezuelan term to refer to the other girl you go out secretly with, besides your official gf. an affair... "El Cacho")*

Cacho: Hey babe how are you.. I missed you last night in my bed

your gf: ...who is this

Cacho: Andrea .. ...who are YOU?

Gf: DIANA!! Who the fuck are you !???

Andrea: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU BITCH? And what are you doing with my Pumpkin Pie's PHONE!?

Gf: Well FYI your Rotten pie IS MY BF who's about to get castrated when I get him

Andrea: WTF! Mark! Where the hell are you

You: *trying to wipe out the mustard from your face still, kinda doesn't matter when you realize who's speaking* Hello..... ....

Both of them: YOU BASTARD!!! YOU ARE CHEATING ME !!!!

You: shit....*shuffles for an MP3 and plays it to the middle: " listen baby I'm sorry, I want to tell you don't worry, I will be late don't stay up, and wait for me, say again, is cuttin out, my battery is low!!! So you know! I'm going to a place nearby gotta go!"*CLICK* The Backstreet Boys!

Then the universal use for any Video device... Pron (and masturbation in the bathroom!)

You go out of the bathroom iPhone in hand, and mom or gf sees you with that.. "GRIN"

She: "... why do you take the phone to the Bathroom"

You: "wide eyed" .. well I .. GAMES! I love the games! I get bored while I.. well YOU KNOW!!

She: "the iPhone doesn't have any games....what's that stain in your pants... what.. YOU!!!"

You: *run for your life*

As an Mp3 player, it will drain your battery in 25 minutes, as a video pron player, it will last one masturbation, and girls wont be able to get even to an orgasm.

Anyway, I don't know what else, I can say about this thing! OH! I KNOW!!

it has a gyroscope inside, so it adapts as how you hold it, but what happens if you hold it awkward like in diagonal, does it stay diagonal, or it changes back and forward forever! (thus draining your battery more! imagine that thing in your purse!)

So as you can see is a... overpriced...Over hyped.. Junk. that only bring problems!

And the lines to get it!

there will be rabid fans trying to get one, I can see the 1 minute short of porn sites rising up as the most viewed. or the Prontube. haha.

Yes, people will use it as the ultimate pron device. hey it slips in your pants, and has wifi and macOSx.. it will be awesome to pirate files!