Tiempos Draconicos XIL: Fun things to Do Without Power

So lately there has been in my zone this trend to cut the electricity all evening (since 6:30 to 10:00 more less) thing that is extremely annoying given that, if someone has work to do in the computer they can't thanks to the electricity devices. Yesterday I was all alone at home (because i got earlier than every one else) and so, I was bored out of my mind, my cell didn't have any battery nor did my iPod, Imagine the fun of being in the dark with nothing to do but just stare at the darkness and the lonely candle I could find.

So I made: 10 FUN THINGS TO DO IN THE DARK!

1 - Sleep (what better than to sleep ion the dark, .. what? you are afraid of the dark? oh... then turn on a candle!)

2 - Cook! (okay well if you have an electrical kitchen you can go watch the flies flies by, or eat frozen wieners, use the candle to heat them! watch it for burns!)

3 - Pick your nose (watch it from brain pokes!)

4 - Find a candle and read Your comics or something (or the label of the things in the kitchen you can't cook because you don't have a gas kitchen XD)

5 - masturbate (easy solution, difficult ending....)

6 - Take a bath.... With cold water yes, what else is there to do? just remember If you drop the soap and you kinda bend to grab it and you feel some Unnatural thing rape your ass... well, though shit.

7 - Speak on the phon... what? You phone is Wireless and the base needs power? hahahahaha

8 - remember what you were looking for last night and didnt find and take the downtime to search for it (with a candle of course.. just dont burn anything)

9 - Search for porn in your laptop. Internet? thats YOUR problem...

10 - I deviced a game its called find it find it.

You stand in your living room and blow the candle then you launch five coins to the air and pinpoint them by mere sound, And go find them in the dark. just watch it, If you slide on one and break your neck the conversation in your funeral would be like:

"so what he died of?"
"He broke his neck from a coin"
".....A... coin...You mean a penny?"
"yeah A penny. he fell from one penny and broke his neck"
".shit.. that was one hell of a penny then"
"Actually her wife has it in his forehead, shes kinda stupid"
and after that, everytime your wife or husband sees a penny They will cry their heart out

"AHHH!!!! BUAA!! THAT WAS!!... THE PENNY!! BUAAA!!!"

Tiempos Draconicos XL: Vrands

have you ever seen how the pirates  do to stuff fake things as real things and people is stupid enough to buy them for 75% of the price and -1500% the quality, because let me tell you, those things are HORRIBLE and have the lowest quality standards of the Chinese Republic Manufacturing Laws.

Examples of this are the following brands:

Mike (Nike of course)

Coby (as sony of course)

Aciida ( When you see the logo it FAKES itself into looking like adidas)

Funstation, PonyStation, grayStation, DinStation, PainStation (No shit), Yaystation (Playstation knock off with a 8-bit nintenfo knockoff. FOR THE WIN)

Ybox 540 (Yes this actually exist I failed to take a picture because There was the dependant right in front of me)

Cans (shoes. vans anyway?)

Sidewalk (yes Even airwalk)

lewis (as Levi's Knockoff)

Nilson (Wilson the tennis brand)

Mp4 Ipod Knockoffs (instead of the click wheel, four buttons)

It's just incredible and the people LIKE IT and they think is even better than the real deal (Because they are cheaper) I would laugh a lot.

I remember the ipod knockoffs have this CLUNKY interface where nothing works and they use something like the windows 3.1 file manager (to those who remember it) and the best:

They Say 4 Gbs And only have 1.5 Gbs of actual space and some even turn black and white (the screen"colorful" at first) after two months Hilarious.

Anyways enough rant for today!

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Tiempos Draconicos XXXIX: Dressing Code

Welcome to today's Draco's rant about some stupid stuff most people will find offensive!

Have you noticed how people dress lately? it's just plain AWFUL! let's begin with the most common denominator of the lowest level of intelligence in the world. Pants with letters in the ass.

I mean WHAT.. it's just plain horrible, this morning I was walking to the bus stop/station (we don't have stations as you do there in the US or Canada or Australia) and this woman with this pants with the following in the ass goes:

"SEXY(in one cheek) BABE (In the other)" I just couldnt help Laugh my ass laugh, there is another that goes "Disco(in one cheek) QUEEN (in the other)"

And there are women with the "Free Access" (I kid you not My cell just couldnt take the fucking picutre right enough!) I mean come on!

There is also these kind of women that love to put shirts that look like the hotline page of the newspaper:

"My bf is out and I want dick" (I saw this one in the market I could laugh....)

"I'm alone and wanting" (BIATCH!!!)

"Innocent Devil" and the sex symbol of a Q being penetrated by an arrow

"Take me to your house" (And fuckkkk meeeee)

"I like bad boys" (Hoe...)

"Pussy Giving" And it pictures a cat with a lace on the neck. it is even funny!

Then the coup de grace was this guy:

Black hair standing like a klingon with gel. the tips of his hair, his chin, eyebrows and mustache decolored by peroxide. he had this TIGHT jeans and Boats as feet (like 15 or something) And to top it all

Earrings with the symbol of the Nike Air 23 Jordan basketball Earrings. (Ya know the guy jumping in the air)

How much worse can you get in your lifetime. He looked like an Albino Gremlin with no intelligence whatsoever.

There are other kind of clothing that suck balls, Like those who wanna dress gangsta and fail incredibly at it. they put on clothes 10 sizes bigger and walk as if their back was unbendable and their legs would crush the little 1/2 inch dick they have. they look so pathethic!

 

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Tiempos Draconicos XXXVIII: People Stare...

Have you notice how the human mind curiosity is the most funny thing in the world. We could understand a cat being easily distracted by whatever or a dog easily amused, their brains are small and have attention spans, BY DESIGN very short (unless you train the animal of course)

But we humans have minds of our own and then again we suck more than any other animal in the world given we are so immature and so damn unbalanced and unstable.

Take for example elevators. When you push the button for an elevator what do you do? Stare at the thing that says in what floor the elevator is. And everyone stares fixedly at it, it's even funny, when the door opens everybody goes in, pushes their right buttons, and then what do they do???? Stare to the needle or little screen with the floor number. And they stare at it as if, by staring it will move faster or skip some floors already pressed.

Same happens when Someone crashes their car, why do you think the jam is provoked? Curious people staring at the crash as they go by, And no matter how much the police urge you to move on and press forward people stare like stupid sheep at the crash. Same with almost everything.

Men, Human Males I mean. Are the worse specimens in the world, i don't remember such race of animals who's more bend over into destroying than men. but that's just one of their feats, there is one another. Women.

Have you seen this men in the street, when a hawt woman passes by they turn around sharply as if their neck was gonna snap? it's hilarious! I think it's the funniest thing ever watching those sadistic guys bending over to look at the ass of someone.

It happened more than once than a nice girl passed in front of someone who was in front of me, and hear this, the guy turned sharply and he ran into a bus stop falling over his ass, it was JUST HILARIOUS.

The other day it happened even worse, a girl, I must admit was the hawtness, passed by and a guy turned over sharply and ran into sewer stuck his feet and fell down in a puddle of murky trash water. Gross out and all he has the balls to yell "it was worth it!"

People stare, when someone has a scar they just stare, why do people stare at other. I have had many people more than once stare at me and I just cant hold up and laugh my ass off.

The same with sex, why people like to stare at other having sex, is a morbid thing we humans have, like for example, when two dogs are having a go at it, EVERYBODY stops and stares, and some people even get hard and hot about it.

When someone with piercings even in the ass walks by people stare. I remember once this guy was sitting in a bench all tattooed and a girl stared at him blankly with her mouth open wide in awe. the guy stood still and suddenly yelled... "BOO!!!" and the girl went pale and almost fainted screaming and yelling "MOMMMMYYYY!!!!!" i liked it a lot . and laughed with the guy

also when a thunder sounds, people go and stare at the sky. it's hilarious XD

When someone goes "PST PST" every single person in the room turns around, when a cell phone sounds, no matter it is not your Ringtone... You go and pick up the phone (that's why my is silent and in vibracall)

Anyways, i will go away now and stop bothering you people.

Tiempos Draconicos XXXVII: Musical Exo Skeleton

In this one little thing I'ma explore the skeleton of a song of many genres! I have been writing this piece for a while and Now it's time to start to dwelve in it.

Trash Metal:

This songs are awesome, perse, their theme is about war, death and destruction, and sometimes, how god hates us all. Big trashers are:  Anthrax, Slayer, Sodom, Metallica, Megadeth, And many many others.

The structure is as follows:

Intro, begin of the song, Chorus, And here comes the interesting part, THE SOLO, it is a pointless, mindless, fast, mind melting, trash at the guitar with such awesome speed and technique you would say it was all planned but no! it's just mindless tapping in a sort of way "how many notes you can smash into 1:30 minutes", Chorus, End of the song

Heavy Metal:

This songs are classics and practically defined everything we know today and take as granted. Big exponents are later metallica, Iron maiden, Iced Earth, Judas Priest, Manowar, Black Sabbath and Dio, Among others.

The structure is easier, intro, Chorus, Solo that must be said are always best arranged and are perfectly coded to sound near perfect, and an outro. Usually these songs a catchy and become mainstream and Classics of rock. Examples would Master of Puppets by metallica, fear of the dark by Iron maiden And so on.

Emo metal:

This songs are extremely slow and are the extasis of the commercial impact of MTV in the music. these bands are My chemical romance, Simple Plan, Good Charlotte, and almost every single new band that has been coming out for a while.

The structure is... ONE LONG SUICIDE NOTE... most of them (being the only exception the guys in MCR who like to talk about killing other people) Are extremely slow and drowzy with men singing with feminine tones and pain in their tongues. The structure is as simple as it gets, Intro, Chorus, Outro, usually they are catchy for angsty Teenager or those who believe these are trendy or something.

In my humble opinion these bands are the WORSE impact in music, and the AIDS of the sound Spectrum. Also has the worse impact on teenager, making them think they deserve everything just by being born instead of earning it with work and sweat.

Power Metal:

The power metal has two connotations, one is the HEAVIER side made in the us, and the other is the Speed side made in the old continent

So we are going to divide it into two categories!

American Power Metal: Pantera, Lamb of God.

This are one of my favorite the structure might be extremely complex in execution but they all share something in common. SCREAMING! The singer doesnt sing usually, just screams and it sounds awesome. the music is aggressive and is a big 3 minutes solo overall. every single song (most of them anyway) are highly elaborated and the musicians hold the best records as musicians. Examples of this Would be Dime Bag Darrel, pantera's guitarrist, one of my favorite for his RAW way of playing the guitar.

European power metal: Stratovarious, Sonata Arctica

this is the top of the european, becoming famous, unlike their american counter parts, these guys SING in very high pitched voices, With the greatest of techniques to play their instruments and usually in a very speedy fashions. the songs are happy or sad, but always nice. and are catchy.

Then there is the... ugly part of the metal: all the sub genres that even I consider just Noise.

Death metal, Death Core, Noise Metal, HardCore And so forth:

They all start Extremely fast with the same note over and over again, pointless solo (even much more pointless than the trash, HECK in comparison trash metal solos are beautiful masterpieces of music) I must note that even tho the musicians are extremely good and most of them are very gifted to play at those speeds for such long periods of time. And the never ending gutural grunt of the song. here is an extract:

GRUNT GRUNT GRUNT GRUNT GRUNT GRUNT GRUNT SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAACCCCHHHH!!!!!!!! TATATATATATATATATATATTAAT (this is the drums) And the guitar IRIRIRIRIRIIRIRIRIRIRIIRIR And then the bas in a never ending POMPPOMPOMPOMPOMPOMPOM

it's just Meaningless, but then again I like some songs that are actually understandable. Here are some names of the bands (Notice the Humanity is death theme in the names alone)

Cannibal Corpse (who could imagine..)

Napam Death (nice way to die)

Morbid Angel (... Just..)

Rotting Christ (Sometimes they go and violate 3/4 of the world beliefs XD)

Carcass (Like my friend says "you are eating a steak? Cow's carcass?")

As blood Runs Black (I seriously don't know what this mean)

Obituary (but obituary strangely is somewhat good)

Cadaver (haha...)

cattle Decapitation (seriously guys, Do you really think that's nice?)

Decapitated (haha.. and more heads rolling.)

Dissection (Something ..obscure, notice the medical names of all bands...)

Deicide (these guys are somewhat the precursors of the thought that god is evil and satan is better)

Dying Fetus (And it keeps going with the Doctor Satan)

impaled (And some are religious again with the catholic church-....)

Immolation (another nice way to be burnt)

Prostitute Disfigurement (this guys have such fetish of fucking grilled women)

Six feet under (these are even original)

Vomitory (extremely "nice" and "awesome" vacational place for all the family!!)

Tiempos Draconicos Paralelos: El parentesis

Muchas cosas que decir, poco tiempo para hacerlo, aun menos cerebro para realizarlo de forma divertida. probablemente no pueda.

Han sido probablemente las dos semanas mas desastrosas de este año, en donde mi pobre humanidad ha sido exprimida mas alla de lo evidente. El agotamiento mental se hace presente ya que el cerebro no me da para nada... ni siquiera para lo que tengo que hacer como trabajador.

Lo que mas deseo es poder seguir haciendo mi columna como lo he venido haciendo durante tanto tiempo.

Sin embargo aqui hay un pensamiento:

"no importa que tan viejo seas, lo que marca tu vida se queda contigo hasta el dia que te mueras"

Hay cosas que tu crees y consideras que te marcaron..pero no lo hacen, y otras que simplemente dejan su huella en la nostalgia omnipresente que puedes llegar a sentir.

Hoy me siento agotado como para escribir algo que tenga un sentido del humor draconico como el mio (en este caso quiere decir en extremo complicado) como el dia de la lluvia pero me han pasado un par de cosas que valen la pena notar:

1- me he dado cuenta que soy una persona completamente anomala a lo que es el canon normal de un hombre comun.

2- por mi anomalia execesiva me he dado cuenta que no encajo en la sociedad como cualquier otra persona haria.

3- probablemente nunca encaje en ninguna sociedad....

4- soy fragil como una muñeca de porcelana (no digas tu hiper sensible)

5- en 14 dias me he llevado tantas decepciones juntas que dudo que algun dia pueda recuperar lo poco de inteligencia que me queda.

6- Creo que sigo sin poder llorar. Algun dia se curara?

 

Y ya! Creo que eso es todo. hay muchos cambios en el torbellino que llamo vida. y no se sea apropiado dejarlo todo aqui. Quizas no.. quizas si.

Tiempos Draconicos XXXVI: La Moda!

En estos tiempos esteriles la moda cada dia esta mas cambiada, la moda a cambiado, los estilos, todo. hagamos un recorrido por la funa de mi pais a ver como ha evolucionado de forma lenta.

en los 70: mi mama tiene una foto con mi tia, de cuando ella se caso, (si la foto es a colores) y todo el mundo tenia estos pantalones bota campana y una guayaberas pegadas mas feas que el coño. Las chivas eran largas y todo el mundo tenia una cara de feliz que no se lo quitaba nadie. Los afros y los pelos llenos de laca eran la regla. mi madre tenia una falda de dibujos abstractos largos unas sandalias todas raras y un peinado bastante antiguo asi tipo leon.

En los 80: Ahora una foto del matrimonio de mi madre. es impresionante como cambian las cosas. todo el mundo con hombreras de 20 cms, parecian jugadores de futbol americano. unas chaquetas sin botones abiertas y una franela debajo, no una camisa  y corbata como ahora. la smujeres tenian las hombreras, y aqui empieza el problema. Unos peinados que parecian la cola de un pavo real, laca por todas partes, los maquillajes sobre cargados de colores exagerados, unos zarcillos de 50 centimetros de largo, y quizas lo mas importante:

LENTEJUELAS para tirar para el techo todo el mundo tenia lentejuelas, hasta en la ropa interior. Y si la combinacion era completa se tenian: Colores exagerados fluorescentes con hombreras Y lentejuelas. y no se olviden de la laca para el pelo.

principios de los 90: la moda cambio a jeans. todo el mundo usa jeans. TODO EL MUNDO, la laca sobre vivio, las hombreras y las lentejuelas se murieron, la musica evoluciono de ese sonido de lata a un sonido mas limpio. Empezaron a salir los looks sucios grunge. Ahora todo el mundo cargaba jeanes rotos una franela y una camisa de cuadritos encima (esta es la moda Cobain basada en nirvana) y salio la moda Axl Rose de guns and roses (una gorra a medio voltear un pañuelo en las muñecas o en el cuello o en la testa) converse con medias y unos "shores" o bermudas de surfista. el pelito largo. Y empieza el branching

De los ochenta se vino una moda llamada los Wopero, esta moda se vestian como kurt kobain pero escuchaban changa y tenian el pelito largo y bien cuidado.

A mediados de los 90: La moda como que dejo de importar y la gente empezo a vestirse como le daba la gana y bastante mal, de aqui se mezclaron las modas y empezo una cosa llamda Revival Y retro y la gente se empezo a vestir mal como en los ochenta. con velcro licras y ese poco de mariqueras horrorosas.

Los ..dos mil?:  estos años han sido caoticos, aun no se han acabado y ya hay por lo menos 50 modas distinas:

- La moda De los ochenta

- La moda de los noventa

- la moda nirvana

- la moda Guns and roses

- la moda Metalera: todo de negro, Con cadenas botas y el pelo largo

- la moda emo: mismo que la anterior pero con la ropa ceñida y pantalones tubito. Y el pelo tapandote la mitad de la cara (por eso se dice que los de la moda emo tienen un solo ojo) y maquillajo por carajazo

- la moda retro: mezcla obscena y horrorosa de las modas de epocas anteriores.

- la moda Korn: ropa adidas, con zapatos adidas, Y ropa interior adidas, y muñequeras adidas. la ropa tiene que ser de un color y tener las dos rayitas a los lados.

- Moda Reggaeton/rap/getto: ropa 20 tallas mas grande, que se te vea la ropa interior, botas de construccion una franela sin mangas blanca, una gorra boca arriba, o pa un lado, un pañuelo debajo, una guaya de telefono en el pezcueso con alguna mariquera, de oro. lentes y vainas.

- moda Tuqui: ... zapatos nike con una franela sin mangas, pantalones tubito, lentes, gelatina, y un modo de "bailar" bastante convulsionante.

- Moda Hippie: creoq ue el nombre lo dice todo

- moda Sifrina: todo de marca de disñeadores caros (Luis Boton, Guchi, bersache, El coco (chanel), Calbin Clen, Ips san Lorán, Y por supuesto no podia faltar tomas Jilfiguer. prada, Tecno Marin, Dulce Guanabana, cristian Dios, Hugo vos, Jorge harmani, Ermenegildo Zenda, quened Col, Ralf Loran, Oscar De la renta, Carolina Herrera, Yibenchi, paco raban (este hombre debe ser gallego) y otros!

- La fiebre Nike (no creo que tenga que explicarlo)

- Los Hombres de Rosado (toda la ropa lacoste.. pero rosada)

- Los hombres de blanco De pies a cabeza con collares de santero

Y como estas muchas mas, hay gente que se viste de un modo distinto cada dia. Es impresionante.

 

Yo personalmente sigo lo de "lo primero que agarre del closet"

 

Y tu?